Thursday, July 14, 2011

Vanessa's Paragraph

      Mr. Bean wanted to eat. He hed ingredients for do sandwich. He dried leuce in your half. It's was gross!
The man in your next was amazed. "That crazy man!".

1 comment:

NR said...

Good work, Vanessa. You still need to add some transition words to show the order in the paragraph. Here are some changes to make in the next draft:
--Topic sentence: What is the controlling idea?
Mr. Bean wanted to eat what?
--How do you spell the past of have?
--Do you mean "lettuce"?
--Why did you write It's?
--Be careful about pronouns:
The man next to him...
--What is the verb in the last sentence?