Thursday, July 14, 2011
Mr. Bean--Sandwich Making
First, Mr. Bean sat on the bench. Second, he saw the man. Third, the man ate his sandwich. Fourth, Mr. Bean wanted to make a sandwich. Fifth, Mr. Bean had bread and put his bread on his knees. Sixth, Mr.Bean cut his bread. Seventh, Mr. Bean threw a piece of his bread in the a trash. Eighth, Mr.Bean had cheese in his T.shirt then put the cheese on his knees. Ninth, Mr. Bean had credit card and he used the card to cut the cheese and put the cheese in the bread. Tenth, Mr.Bean had lettuce in his pocket. Eleventh, Mr. Bean put the lettuce in his sock and he put water in his sock too. He did this so he could wash the lettuce. After that he put his lettuce in the bread. Twelfth, Mr. Bean had two fishes in his T shirt. He put the fishes in the bread then he had some pepper corns on the chair. With his shoe, he hit the pepper corns because he wanted small pepper. Thirteenth, Mr. Bean put the pepper in his bread then he looked at the man sitting next to him on the bench . Fourteenth, the man had tea. Fifteenth, Mr.Bean wanted tea the same as the man. Sixteenth, Mr.Bean had a tea bag, water and milk in his pockets. Mr. Bean mixed those in his mouth. The sandwich is ready to eat. After all that he sneezed and the sandwich flew down on the floor. The man gave Mr.Bean one half of his sandwich. (Mr.Bean is crazy)
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1 comment:
Good work! You have so much detail!!
The only problem is that you used just one kind of transition word--ordinal numbers. Next time, limit the ordinals to first and second. Use different words for the rest of the steps in the process. Here are some more changes for the next draft.
--Topic sentence: What is the main idea and controlling idea of the paragraph?
--Most of the time, fish is singular. We eat fish even if it is more than one. (In zoology, scientists talk about fishes.)
--Do you mean "fell" instead of "flew"?
--There are just two sentences in present tense! Do you see them?
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