Thursday, July 14, 2011
Multi usage with Mr.Bean
In a sunny day Mr.Bean had a seat in a great garden beside a gentleman who was eating his dilicious sandwich . In a few minutes Mr.Bean srarted to make his breakfast . Next he began to take stuff out his coat . He was wearing it. All the stuff were multi usage . He used a scissor to cut the bread . He used the bank card to grease the bread . He used the hot water bottle as a cup of tea . Meanwile the gentleman was chuckled . Finaly about to eat his sandwich he had a sneeze and every thing spilled .
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1 comment:
Good work! You use the transition words well. Also, I like how you introduce the setting in the paragraph. Here are some changes for the next draft:
--Topic sentence: What is the main idea and controlling idea?
--Remember the punctuation for transition words.
--"Stuff" is always singular.
--"Scissors" is aways plural. You can write a pair of scissors if you want to specify the singular.
--Why did you write was chuckled?
--What is the subject of the last sentence?
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