Friday, July 15, 2011

Mr.bean

I saw Mr.Bean. He was a crazy man. He wanted to make a sandwich. First he took the bread and then with scissors cut  the bread. Second he put lettuce in his sock to dry it and killed fish for his sandwich. Third he smiled widely then sneezed and blew his nose. Finally the man sitting with Mr.Bean gave him a sandwich.

2 comments:

NR said...
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NR said...

Good work! You used the transition words well in your paragraph. Here are some changes to make in the next draft:
--Topic sentence: What is the main idea and controlling idea of the paragraph?
--Delete "I saw" because it is not needed in the topic sentence.
--Remember the punctuation for the transition words.