Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mr.Bean

I saw a funny video for Mr.Bean, about Sandwich making. First, Mr.Bean was in the garden. He set beside someone ate sandwich. Second, Mr.Bean saw the man and his eyes looked to the sandwich several times. It was delicious. Third, Mr.Bean jealous from the man, and he decided to made a sandwich. Next, he started to made a delicious sandwich. He had a beautiful jacket. it was like a deep freeze. Then, he removed the bread with the scissors to cut the bread. At the same time, the man looked to Mr.Bean. Later, Mr.Bean finished his sandwich. Last, he was ready to ate the sandwich, but unfortunately the sandwich fell from his hand because he sneeze. Finally, the man was very generous because he gave Mr.Bean a new sandwich.

1 comment:

NR said...

Very good work! Thank you for letting me use this as an example in class. Here are some changes to make in the next draft.
--Topic sentence: Delete "I saw a funny video" because it is extra information.
--set vs sat
--look at
--Do you mean "freezer"?
--Remember that the infinitive is never in past tense.
--Remember the punctuation for transition words.