Thursday, July 14, 2011
Mr Bean-Sandwich making
First of all,two pepople were together in a park,one person ate breakfast by 1.50 minituse ,another
interesting .Second ,another person tooks a big bread ,half of bread was threw trash. Then ,he tooks other
food,that i looked each person was angryed .He continue do ones's thing of making breakfast.When he
planed to ate food ,He destroyed food and Trouble dirty clother.that but he friends initivated gave paper.
In conclusion .We should be able to share.
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1 comment:
Good work. I like your detail and explanation. Be careful to write your sentences together in a paragraph. Right now, the sentences are in a list. Here are some changes for the next draft:
--Topic sentence: What is the main idea and controlling idea of the paragraph?
--Please double-check your spelling!
--Where does each sentence end? I see too many commas!!
--Use "in" instead of "by"
One person ate breakfast in 1.5 minutes.
--Why did you put an s on the past tense verbs?
--Angry is the adjective. To anger is the verb.
It looked like each person was angry.
OR
It looked like each person was angered.
--I don't understand the verb of the second to last sentence. What do you mean?
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